While holidaymakers tell of a reef shark tearing an unfortunate bather to shreds in the Red Sea, Environment Agency boffins are warning of ‘killer shrimp’ attacks closer to home.

They have found the killer shrimp (Dikerogammarus villosus) in Cardiff Bay and say these creatures are ‘particularly aggressive’ predators which prey on dabs, flounders and other non-aggressive ‘wimp shrimps.’

Now the RYA has joined forces with the EA: ‘The killer shrimp can be spread around the country on the hulls of our boats and it is really important that we boaters do our bit to stop them’ says Caroline Price, RYA Planning and Environmental Advisor.

If I can be of assistance in this worthy battle may I suggest deploying a net – rather like the Leigh bawleys of my home town Leigh-on-Sea used to do – and hoick them into a saucepan of boiling water. You can enjoy watching these killers get a taste of their own medicine as they curl up and die in agony.

Then simply nip the head and the tail between thumb and forefinger and bite into the crusty body. Next discard the head and tail and repeat. I can recommend brown bread and Lurpack butter as an accompaniment.

This dish is known in the cooking sheds along the Thames Estuary as crustattymuss shrimplyliciousmuss.

Note: this dish can be served with alcohol.